The House on the Left

Hey Kids!

Ok this post is also late and will be short as early mentioned. I AM ON SPRING BREAK BABY!! Ok you remember those WWJD (What would Jesus do)bracelets everyone use to wear? Well while watching this movie all I kept thinking about was WWMD (What would Michael Do). This is a remake of the 1970s or 1980s Wes Craven first directorial movie. He produced the film, so that alone should let you know that it is entertaining at best. This movie was so sick and twisted on so many levels and I LOVED EVERY bit of it. The actors were all really good. I can't really say that much about the movie without telling the actual movie. If you like a good horror movie this is the one for you. I didn't jump from being scared in the movie. I jumped from being either surprised at what was going on in front of my face and from the excitement of anticipating what was gonna happen next. I really felt like I was watching a thriller and not a horror movie. I mean I of course you knew how things were gonna end up but just when you think you know how someone is gonna die they end up dying another way. In my opinion the ending scene is worth the movie ticket price alone. I am not a really big horror movie fan because frankly the past couple years the horror movies I have seen have been dismal at best...lol...but this was really entertaining, exciting, sad and cheerful at the end. Everything a horror movie should be. If you are a fan of horror movies RAN TO SEE THIS MOVIE. If you enjoy a good thriller (like I do) go and see this movie.

~Verdict~

Two snaps up and WWYD (What Would You Do)

Race to Witch Mountain

Hey Kids!

Yes this review is late and guess what...it is also going to be short! I am on spring break and I just don't feel like doing anything (someone please pray that this laziness leaves starting next week). Ok I had to go and support my Husband's new movie (Dwayne Johnson formerly known as The Rock). For those of you who do not know I have been a Dwayne Johnson fan since his days as The ROCK!!! I remember it like it was yesterday. I was coming in from Tennis practice on Monday night and my roommate (college dorm room) was watching Monday night Raw on TV. There was this big beautiful, cocky, confident, delicious man talking really loud and I heard him say "Can you smell what The Rock is cooking?" and he raised one eyebrow. I was in-love! And he has been my play husband ever since. Aren't pretend first encounters the best. Ok I digress.

This movie is a remake of a movie I liked when I was younger. It is right up my ally with the sci-fi/fantasy elements. The acting is good. The story is good. The movie well made. The special effects are great and Dwayne looks good (he looks FINE at the last scene of the movie). And I know I probably sound like a teenage girl with how I speak about Dwayne. If it is scaring you I am sorry. But it is something about him that brings it out of me. In the movie he is a cab driver trying to help two aliens get something that their home planet needs to survive. While driving them he ends up helping them and getting attached to them. Again it is a good story and well made movie. My only problem is that I am sooo ready to see Dwayne get back into some action movies. I want to see him in movies like the scorpion king and my personal Dwayne Johnson favorite "The Rundown" He looked incredible in that movie. Made me want to go out and buy a dodge durango. This is intended for the kid audience. So if you have kids do yourself and them a favor and take them to see this. If you are like me and enjoy a really good sci-fi movie get out and go see this movie. You will not be disappointed.

PS I kinda of enjoyed this movie more than I enjoyed Watchmen...shhh don't tell anyone

~Verdict~

Two Snaps Up and my new name is Mr. Michael J. Glenn-Johnson (Just don't tell my parents)

Watchmen

Hey Kids!

OK so I saw the highly anticipated WATCHMEN...and I went and saw it at 3:20am Thursday night. I know you are probably wondering what in the hell were you doing at a movie theater at 3:20am in the morning. Well those of you that know I am a night owl (not like the nite owl from the movie) and the 12:01am was already sold out and I was dying to see this in IMAX! I love IMAX and anytime I get to see a movie there I jump at the opportunity. And the show was packed! It was very obvious that the majority of the people there are the true die hard fans. I was trying to get a sense of how they felt about the movie. But it seemed like they were all rushing out of the theater. I figured that they were hurrying because they may have to go to work or something. NO! They were rushing out because they had to go three hours without smoking. So I guess they had reached their limit. It was liking walking through a cloud when I exited the theater. I almost ran into a brush because visibility was extremely low.

This movie takes place in the 1980s in New York City. Apparently it is based on the best selling graphic novel of all time. I am not real big on graphic novels so I had never heard about "Watchmen" before. When I saw the first trailer for this film, I became extremely excited because I love a good superhero movie. WELL I was certainly surprised to find out that the characters (all but one) have no super powers...like at all. But what was so interesting (and a friend helped point this out) that they seemed to be able to beat up EVERYONE! So I will not ruin the movie for you I will just stop there.

This movie had a great story and is well made. I mean what do you expect from the director who made the movie "300". However it would have been a lot cooler if there was more than one super powered character. And he is basically naked the entire movie. I am not complaining about this, just letting you know. As a matter of fact there is a sex scene in the movie that is pretty hot as well. With that scene and the nicely animated meat one of the heroes was packing I left the theater extremely horny and in love with a blue man!

The action is good and gory! There is a nice cast in the film. Patrick Wilson, Jeffery Dean Morgan, Billy Crudup and Jackie Earle Haley being a few. I was so happy to see Jeffery Dean Morgan in this film. Although I wasn't too thrilled with the character he had to play. He seems to look like he has been doing some extra workouts in the weight room. Speaking of weight, Patrick Wilson, who plays Dan (Nite Owl II), gained 25 pounds for his role. He looked amazing to me. However, people who are familiar with the comic have mentioned that he wasn't big enough. The Nite Owl in the comic is suppose to be large and with a gut. He was just nicely solid. He it looked good on him. But then again I love a thick solid man. The women in this movie had very small and insignificant roles in the movie. It seemed to me that they were just there for eye candy and to be used for sex. It sounds very sexist but that is what I picked up. Apparently the author of the graphic novel isn't much of a fan of women. Some comic fans know him to be a British man who doesn't like women. I wonder what kind of sick mess he had to deal with in his childhood.

This is the type of movie that you are either going to like, love or hate it. I liked it and enjoyed watching it. The only reason I would watch it again would be to see my new Blue Man. If you enjoy action movies with a story line and plot this is all for you. If you enjoy watching some get chopped up on screen...again this is all for you! If you can handle a cock being thrown in your face several times throughout the movie..this is all for you...This is most definitely a film made for the fellas, so ladies do yourself a favor and take your man to see this movie. Especially if he took you to see any of the other chick flicks that have been out since the beginning of the year. The best thing about this movie for me (besides the male full frontal and rear nudity) was the fact that there wasn't really a love story. It was there but it didn't consume the movie.

~Verdict~

Like IT

Two snaps up and Dr. Manhattan I need you to make a house call!

Paul Blart: Mall Cop

Hey Kids!

I must say that I wasn't interested in seeing Paul Blart: Mall Cop at all. I was only a little interested because I think Kevin James is so cute (hold your comments on that)! The only reason I went to go see it was because it has been making so much money! I mean it is a blockbuster (meaning it has made over 100 million in the US alone)!

I really didn't care very much for it. It wasn't even all that funny. The story is simple a mall cop who takes his job too serious ends up working the day the mall gets taking over by high flying, skateboarding, biking young adults. It is up to him to save the day. Kevin does what he does best gets everyone to laugh by poking fun of his weight and falling and running into things. I am not sure why this is a blockbuster. I guess people are in the mood to laugh since the economy is making most people depressed. I can understand that. And they are already getting ready to make a sequel. I just don't understand.


The little girl they had play his mixed (in the movie her mom is Hispanic) was cute. But I think I might have a bit of a problem when it comes to weight. All I kept thinking was she is a cute girl but she is too big. I know that is soo wrong to say because who am I to determine what is big or not. But I guess that is the perception that Hollywood and America has given. Thin is beautiful. If you ask me Thick is Beautiful and fat is not necessarily ugly or unattractive just unhealthy.

I can't recommend people to see this. If you like Kevin James maybe...but I much preferred him in I now Pronounce you Chuck and Larry and Hitch and King of Queens.

~Verdict~

Two snaps down and Kevin you can protect and serve me any day!

Street Fighter: Legend of Chun Li

Hey Kids!

I know this blog is like a week late but I have been so busy. But I am back. Now I wasn't that thrilled about going to see this movie. However, I was looking forward to seeing how it would turn out. Honestly it isn't as bad as I thought it would be. It is by no means oscar worthy or even date night worthy but it was not that bad. There were parts that were just TERRIBLE like when Cantana and Chun Li do the whole lesbian subduction...HATED IT!!! Some of the actions scenes are pretty good. I was surprised with the choice of Kristen Kruek as Chun Li. She is of Dutch (father) and Chinese (mother) descent like our heroine. However, I just felt like she was not tough enough for the part. If you are unfamiliar with her, she plays Lana on Smallville series. She is a great actress (so of course the acting on her part was good) but as far as having the Chun Li look and fighting skills (she didn't have the Li Thighs and there was no lighting kicks) she was seriously lacking. There was one scene that she did look absolutely gorgeous though...but sadly it was her mother's funeral scene.

The other stars in the movie are the hunky Michael Clarke Duncan as Balrog, Robin Shou as Gen, and Neal McDonough as a very hot M. Bison. Umm I am loosing my breath just thinking about those pieces of eye candy.

If you saw the first street fighter movie you will be a lot more pleased with this one. The first one in my opinion tried too hard to include all of the characters of street fighter. This one focuses on one and that is Chun Li. Gen played by Robin Shou (Liu Kang from the Mortal Kombat movies). He kicks ass like usual and still keeps a mysterious presence. I would like to see him in some better high budget action films like the Mortal Kombat films again. Just with better acting. This one had the acting and had the plot and story. It was just poorly made. And what the hell is up with Vega being an Asian man. He is and will always be spanish (a hot spaniard at that). Chris Klien (American Pie 1 and 2) is also in this movie as Charlie Nash. Why he was choosing for such a terrible part is beyond me. He is absolutely AWFUL in this movie. When and if Katie sees this movie (that's Katie Holmes) she will look at Tom and then look at Chris on screen and say to herself "Yep I definitely made the better choice!" And I guess Hollywood figures that no action (guy film) film is complete without some girl on girl action. So they had Chun Li act as a lesbian to seduce information from Cantana played by Josie Ho. Cantana is Bison's badass assistant who happens to like girls. Now this is Josie Ho's first Hollywood movie. She is pretty and a descent enough actress. My bone to pick with her is that she is one of Forbe magazines top 10 billionaire heiresses. Bitch what the HELL are you doing making movies and working. You should be getting somewhere and sitting it DOWN! If that I were an heiress (and yes I meant to say HEIRESS) I would sit it down! I wouldn't do anything. The only hard thing I would do is to check and see what and how much I would be inheriting. And learn the family business and make sure I have the education to prepare me to run things when my parents stepped down. She is a damn fool. Her dad is like one of the richest men in Hong Kong and that is saying a whole LOT!!!!

OK I am back. If you like the street fighter franchise and are a fan of the video game. Then go and support this movie. If you like these actors go and support this film. If you are looking for a good movie that is well made DO NOT go see this movie. A buddy of mine who saw this said it best. "It looks like they had a great idea for this movie but made it in one day right after they thought about it".

~verdict~

One snap up and one snap down and a where in the hell is Lucy Liu when you need her